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March 8th, 2006
02:49 pm - Amazon reviews
One of my former hobbies was reviewing ludicrous products on Amazon. I had some rules about this game: I never gave an item few enough stars to create a poor average rating (so if I was the first person to review something, I gave it five stars); I tried to be clear through the content of my review that the review was satirical; and there are no rules.
All of the reviews were written in the voice of Smith T. Aames, a fictional character created for this purpose. Smith lives in Washington, D.C. with his seventeen pet dogs. He is polyamorous, and a little weird. Of course.
At some point, Amazon realized that many of my reviews existed only for comedic purposes and removed them from the site. I find that now I am unable to post new reviews without them being quickly reviewed and removed. Fortunately for anyone who wants to read these reviews, I had archived most of them before they were taken down. In the next few weeks, I will add these reviews to my LiveJournal so that they can be read by others, as I intended them to be.
Current Mood: overcoming Amazon
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02:54 pm - Star Wars, Episode III - Revenge of the Sith (Widescreen Edition) DVD ~ George Lucas
Bizarre Journali Review of Revenge of the Sith
I had this friend, Mandy, when I was in high school. Mandy was gorgeous, with long blonde hair, blue eyes, and a great body. Naturally, Mandy was very popular with the men. She was from a Christian family and had been taught not to have intercourse before marriage. However, she soon found she had to do something to keep her boyfriends' interest. So Mandy learned the art of oral pleasure, which she offered freely to the boys she dated. In the four years I knew Mandy, she dated more than enough men to form a football squad.
My point is that this movie blows even more than Mandy.
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03:00 pm - My Friend Leonard
Note: I wrote this review on 10/30/05, long before the James Frey to-do occurred.
Bizarre Journali review of My Friend Leonard by James Frey
James Frey writes about his friend Leonard as if he were a mildly retarded pet bunny rabbit. I picture him stroking Leonard's matted fur, which is dirty from rabbit food and the other rabbits biting him. Rabbits do not like retards. Frey would speak softly to Leonard: "Good bunny," he would croon. "Good mentally retarded bunny." Leonard would respond to this small bit of affection by twitching his ears and snuggling into Frey's hands. It is so seldom that Leonard sees kindness, what with his low-set eyes and inability to solve even simple problems. Frey would continue to speak to Leonard comfortingly, until Leonard, as bunnies do, loses control of his bladder in Frey's hands. Then Frey would pump him full of barbituates and drop-kick that retarded bunny until he was nothing more than a drug-rich blood-stain on the floor. That's what I think of My Friend Leonard.
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03:06 pm - Sweet Sue Torso
Bizarre Journali review of Sweet Sue Torso
Don't get me wrong, I love my mistress, Lady Annabelle. But sometimes a man just needs to get down and dirty with a sweet, sweet anatomically correct torso. Am I right, boys? One of the best parts of Sweet Sue Torso is that if you're, ahem, a tight fit, you can remove various internal organs to help Sue better accomodate you. I recommend in particular removing the spleen during the act. You can use it to cover Sweet Sue Torso's dead eyes while you enjoy her Sweet Torso Loving.
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03:08 pm - I am so regular, I could be an alarm clock
Bizarre Journali review of METAMUCIL
It used to be that I would be very constipated all the time. I would think to myself, "Right now would be a good time to use the toilet." I would sit at the toilet, my leather pants pooled around my ankles and the latest Sky Mall catalog in my hands. But to no avail. No matter how hard I strained, the kids just wouldn't drop into the pool.
Then my mom recommended Metamucil Smooth Texture Orange, in the 48.2 ounce container. Because my mom has some experience with constipation, I took her advice. Fortunately, the texture really is quite smooth. Call me weird, but I do not enjoy chunky drinks.
The drink does not taste like orange juice at all. It reminds me of something you might taste at the dentist--vaguely fruity but also medical. I like to drink three glasses of Metamucil every day, one at each major meal.
As a result of my new Metamucil regimen, I have approximately four bowel movements per day. Each bowel movement is exquisitely consistent and does not tear at my rectum upon exit. I find them to be light colored and non-offensive in odor. The only problem with my Metamucil nuggets, as I like to call them, is that they sometimes leave a residue on my skin which takes some time to scrub off. I sometimes need to shower after having a Metamucil moment.
I highly recommend this product to anyone who is tired of straining on the bowl.
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03:13 pm - This is my time by Raven-Symone
Bizarre Journali review of This is My Time by Raven-Symone
Raven-Symone is just nineteen years old. Why, then, does she appear to be a thirty five year old mom of six kids who's managed to regain her figure remarkably well? I blame whoever painted on her eyebrows for her album cover. I suppose they could be a *little* more obvious but who wants to have neon eyebrows? Really. If you look at the larger version of the picture, you can see the actual brush strokes from where the makeup artist applied the eyebrows.
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03:14 pm - ID Glide 1 Gallon (134 oz) Refill Bottle
Bizarre Journali review of ID Glide 1 Gallon (134 oz) Refill Bottle
Saves me a lot of trips to the drug store!
Wow! It's great to be able to buy in bulk! I only have to buy lube about once a month now that I found this refill bottle.
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03:17 pm - Baby pheasant
Bizarre Journali review of Baby Pheasant
Nothing better than a dead plucked bird
I bought this plucked baby pheasant for two reasons:
1. The description says that kings enjoy eating this bird. I figured, I am not royalty but I am a king among Amazon reviewers and also among my dogs and also, last but not least, in my own mind. Since I am a king, I better have some kingly bird.
2. I like killing babies of all avian species. Although I do not get to kill this baby pheasant personally, having its corpse delivered, freshly slaughtered, to my door is almost as good. In fact, it is rather kingly to have the corpse couriered to your front door by your hunky UPS delivery boy.
When I get the raw dead baby pheasant corpse, I like to put all of my dogs in a fenced enclosure and toss the corpse in. The ensuing melee is truly awesome.
In conclusion: Baby pheasant is fit for a king!
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03:19 pm - Anthony Logistics for Men Mach 3 Travel
Bizarre Journali review of Anthony Logistics for Men Mach 3 Travel Razor (cost: $110)
A novel and economical idea!
Just the other day, I opened the doors to my gigantic money vault, dived in, and began to breaststroke through my sea of $100 bills. Occasionally I would dive down through the cash to touch the four foot deep floor of coins coating the bottom of the vault. After I finished my swim and settled in for a breakfast of caviar with gold flecks, I thought to myself, "What a shame that I have so much money and so little to buy! I really need something new to buy!"
And that is when it hit me: An Anthony Logistics for Men Mach 3 Travel Razor is the perfect way to unload some of those pesky c-notes! This razor is like a Gillette Mach 3 in that it uses exactly the same razor blades and consequently delivers the same quality of shave. However, unlike the Gillette Mach 3, which costs just $7.99 along with two razor blades, the Anthony Logistics for Men Mach 3 Travel Razor costs a cool one hundred bills. Therefore, it makes me important and special to spend an extra $92 on essentially the same product. And let's not forget that the Anthony Logistics for Men Mach 3 Travel Razor also allows you to store an extra blade in the handle, eliminating the need to slip that pesky extra blade in its safety carrying case into your luggage. Life is good! I am important!
I do not, however, recommend using the Anthony Logistics for Men Mach 3 Travel Razor for shaving or otherwise grooming your dogs, particularly your English sheepdogs. My sheepdog, Andrew Walker Gibson T. Aames, twitched at an unfortunate point in his shaving process and got a poorly placed nick, if you know what I mean. However, for people who can be counted on not to jerk away just because you touch them inappropriately with the shaving brush, this razor is an excellent idea.
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03:22 pm - Dyson Upright Vacuum
Bizarre Journali review of Dyson Upright Vacuum
Excellent vacuum never loses suction!
I highly recommend this vacuum, especially to pet owners. My father, Jones T. Aames, received this vacuum for his birthday several years ago. Since then, he has been very happy with it. I have also used the vacuum on several occasions and am pleased to report it is a properly functioning piece of equipment.
As my friends and family know, I own seventeen dogs, ranging in hairyness from Yeti-like to totally bald. With so many pooches milling about, it is no wonder that my home is disgustingly laden with pet hair! I have had many a guest refuse to consume a meal in my abode after wading through three inches of shedded dalmation fur. However, after just six hours of vacuuming with the Dyson DC 07, I had my first ice cream in probably twelve years without hair topping.
I have a few reservations about the vacuum. First, it is not totally clear from looking at the vacuum how to open the canister to empty it. As a result, I once accidentally dumped the entire contents of the vacuum (which included some very unpleasant tidbits) on my newly cleaned floor and had to vacuum again. With experience, I have learned not to repeat this mistake.
It is also annoying how you have to unravel the entire cord in order to use the attachments. This means you are trailing many feet of cord behind the vacuum even if you are close to an electrical outlet. Unfortunately, my latest mistress, Pandora DeLillo Martizio, finds extra cords highly erotic. Because I am too busy vacuuming to satisfy her urges, she finds refuge with my neighbor, whose only claim to fame is having escaped an O-Town concert with his hearing and sanity intact. I hope that a future version of the Dyson has a retractable cord feature.
I like the Dyson vacuum very much. I am very impressed with how it has transformed my house from a hair palace into something a little more normal. Not that I care about being normal, but it's not always easy to get laid when your house looks like Chewbacca's derriere.
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03:28 pm - Santa Claus Lane by Hilary Duff
Bizarre Journali's review of Santa Claus Lane by Hilary Duff
Makes me feel shame and guilt
Although her talent is undeniable, I have trouble being a Hilary Duff fan because she induces so much guilt and shame in me. The truth is that despite my long history of dalliances with women, men, and teens, I still wish to be thought of as a morally upright man. When someone like Ms. Duff comes along and awakens my base urges, then I feel like a bad person. I admit that I only bought the Santa Claus Lane cd so I could look at the liner notes, but when I saw that they didn't have very many photos of Ms. Duff I decided to listen to the cd as well. Here are my assessments of the songs:
1. What Christmas Should Be: I'll tell you what Christmas should be. Based on the angelic tones of Ms. Duff's voice, Christmas should be a 24/7 Duff-fest! I will never again listen to Bing Crosby, Perry Como, or any of those other lame "singers" who purport to make Christmas "music." It's Duff or bust for me.
2. Santa Claus Lane: Hilary's voice soars on this track. This is probably the song that best showcases the power in Ms. Duff's upper range. I can't think of anyone with quite as powerful an upper register, but the closest comparison is probably Celine Dion.
3. Santa Claus Is Coming to Town: I hear Bruce Springsteen hung his head and wept tears of shame after hearing this masterpiece recording of a classic Christmas tune.
4. I Heard Santa on the Radio w/Christina Milan: Frankly, it was a mistake for Christina Milan to agree to record a duet with Ms. Duff. Hilary frankly has the better pipes, and it shows. Ms. Milan sounds like the J Lo to Ms. Duff's Marc Anthony (that comparison is unfavorable to Ms. Milan, by the way).
5. Jingle Bell Rock: The way Ms. Duff croons "sentimental feeling" in this song makes me melt inside. She is so incredible. You can tell by the way she says the words that she has actually felt sentimental feelings in her young life. She is so wise.
6. When the Snow Comes Down in Tinseltown: Here, Hilary gives musical thanks for Botox, which keeps the celebrities warm when temperatures are unseasonably low. The song is both beautiful and enlightening--did you know that Botox treated skin can endure temperatures twenty three degrees lower than untreated skin?
7. Sleigh Ride: Keith Lockhart and the Boston Pops play a version of this song as their signature at their Christmas engagements. I hear they have since dropped it from their roster, ashamed of how pitiful it sounds next to the Duff recording.
8. Tell Me A Story w/Lil' Romeo: Lil' Romeo clearly agreed to record this song simply to accrue more street cred. Who can blame him? I hear that NO ONE messes with a Duff friend.
9. Last Christmas: I think this was a poor choice for Hilary Duff to record. Of course, her amazing voice transforms it from pop fluff to melodic masterpiece, but she shouldn't overlook the fact that it was originally recorded by Wham! George Michael was the vocalist for Wham!, and he is an admitted h-o-m-o-s-e-x-u-a-l. It could be very damaging for Ms. Duff to be associated with a song originally recorded by a gay man. In fact, it signals the total disintegration of the American family.
10. Same Old Christmas w/Haylie Duff: Can we just get it out in the open? Haylie Duff is a man. She is Hilary's older brother but understands that a co-ed sibling act is creepy, so she shaves her goatee and stuffs some socks down her shirt and pretends to be the ugliest most untalented older sister in the history of siblings. Haylie, leave Hilary alone! Your testosterone breath is ruining her beauty.
11. Wonderful Christmastime: Indeed. Sadly, Sir Paul McCartney has vowed never to sing again after realizing how poor his version of any song is compared to Ms. Duff's rendition.
I am most impressed by how Ms. Duff shrewdly chose to remake popular songs whose original singers are neither talented nor iconic. This serves to make her versions all the more memorable and impressive. I predict a long career for Hilary Duff marked by critical acclaim and prestigious awards!
For me, I see an evening of cigars, sausages, and tequila!
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03:30 pm - This is me . . .then by Jennifer Lopez
Bizarre Journali review of This is me . . .then lyrics book by Jennifer Lopez
Lets me jam with my pooches!
I appreciate having the finest pop music of today available in sheet music form. I also appreciate having some of the most finely written lyrics available to me. I like to leave this book conspicuously about my home, so that guests can see it and understand that I am a musical connaisseur. Some example locations where I have left the book in the past include the bathroom and the kitchen counter. I also try to leave it on my bedside table when I know the UPS man is coming over.
Anyway, I think that the lyrics to Jennifer Lopez songs should completely supplant poetry in American culture. Here is an example of why JLo's music is better than, say, John Donne. The following is excerpted from "Dear Ben," a lovely melody dedicated to the unbreakable love between Jennifer Lopez and Ben Affleck:
I think God made you for me
A mix of passionate fidelity
Baby you're so complete
I write this song to let you know
That you will always be to me
My lust, my love, my man, my child, my friend
and my king...
Even as I type these lyrics to support my argument I am moved to tears. So beautiful . . .by the way, some people have argued that Ben and Jennifer are no longer in love, as evidenced by Jennifer's marriage to Marc Anthony. However, since Anthony is technically dead, this marriage does not count. Bennifer is still a real deal.
Anyway, these lines express a pathos beyond what poets have been able to achieve in thousands of years of striving. Why are we contenting ourselves with the skim milk of Barrett Browning, Eliot, and their ilk when we can have the cream that is Lopez?
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03:32 pm - 98 Degrees And Rising
Bizarre Journali's review of 98° and Rising by 98 Degrees
The hardest thing I've ever had to do Is listen to this CD
Recently I had the misfortune to be given this cd by a homeless man. I was coming home from my job at the paper clip factory, where I put paper clips into cardboard boxes, when I passed a man asking for spare change. I apologized because I had none to give him, and he handed me this cd. "Take this," he said in his grizzled wino voice. "I tried to sell it to make money for food but no one would buy it."
So I brought the disc home and put it into my cd player while I was cooking dinner for myself and my seventeen dogs and also my latest mistress, Angela Adams. I wish I had not put it in the cd player, because the music that came out was really not that good.
Imagine if the Backstreet Boys met O-Town for dinner, and the four least talented decided to step into the alleyway beside the restaurant for a few minutes and began to scat. N'Sync hears the racket and pops in to see if their services are needed, but Nick Lachey steps forward and says, "No, N'Sync! Go away! We don't want any danceable beats or r&b flava in our music!" So Justin Timberlake and crew slink back into the empty garage next door to practice their moonwalks.
Not only is the 98 Degrees music boring, but an examination of the cd itself reveals more issues.
1. The font which is used to write the words "And Rising" is an unfortunate choice. The components of the "d" in "and" are not joined as tightly as they might be, so the "d" looks like an "al." This changes the name of the album significantly.
2. The boys are standing in front of a wall of fire, which I assume is supposed to be a reference to their name, 98 Degrees, which is a warm temperature. However, any idiot knows that fire is much hotter than 98 Degrees. Human beings are hotter than 98 Degrees, usually by about .6 degrees, and they BURN when put into fire. In fact, 98 Degrees the temperature is not that hot, just like 98 Degrees the performing group.
3. Several of the members appear to have gotten tattoos of the band's name on their arms. How lame is that? Can you imagine if people in all bands did that? I bet Emma Bunton would feel really lame right now, what with the Spice Girls having broken up and become completely irrelevant to pop culture. What's that? 98 Degrees is no more? No one buys their music? Nick Lachey is best known as Mr. Jessica Simpson? Ha ha! Bet you're glad you got that tattoo now, sucker!
I recommend you not buy this cd. Buy anything else instead. I hear Britney Spears is genius.
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03:35 pm - Crotch Massager by Cheap Lubes
Bizarre Journali review of the Crotch Massager by Cheap Lubes
Wow!
I love when marketing executives come up with subtle and classy names for their products. I would have loved to have sat in on the meeting where they named this product, but I suspect it lasted for several days.
By the way, the Crotch Massager is made out of melted Gladware, from what I can tell.
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03:38 pm - Book
Bizarre Journali review of:
The effect of sorghum endosperm type on performance of growing-finishing swine and digestibility of selected nutrients measured at the terminal ileum and in the feces by Kenneth Wayne Purser
Amazing!
This book is incredible! So well-written, and so well-researched! I keep a copy by my bed to read whenever I am having difficulty sleeping. It is so fascinating that I stay awake all night reading, but the goodness of the book ensures I am in a good mood the next day despite my exhaustion. I totally recommend "The effect of sorghum endosperm type on performance of growing-finishing swine and digestibility of selected nutrients measured at the terminal ileum and in the feces" to anyone looking for an engrossing read.
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03:39 pm - French Thong Brief
Bizarre Journali's review of the French Thong Brief for Men
Excellent!
Although I am absurdly fat, I decided it was high time to purchase and wear thong underwear. After receiving the French Thong Brief in the mail and test-driving it, so to speak, for three days, I am so glad I finally caved in and got some floss for my rear! I find that my pants do not have tell-tale lines anymore where my briefs cut the circulation off in my thighs. Also, since I began to wear the French Thong Brief around the house, my cocker spaniel Mr. Chuckles has seemed more energetic and eager to play fetch. I have no idea why, but I credit the thong!
The best part about wearing the French Thong Brief is that I know my mailman would be very happy to know that he brought me such snug fitting, ultra soft, ultra-attractive underclothing in his delivery. Unfortunately, I cannot tell him. He said that if I ever mention my personal life to him again he will turn me in for harrassment. It's really too bad--we'd make such a cute couple.
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03:41 pm - Greatest Hits: My Prerogative
Bizarre Journali's review of Greatest Hits: My Prerogative by Britney Spears
I have several compliments for Ms. Spears and her production team on the release of "Greatest Hits: My Prerogrative." Let me list them for you.
First, I find it refreshing to see a pop artist let it all hang out on her cover art. Many artists, especially females, feel the need to extensive airbrushing of their album photos. Ms. Spears, as the "Greatest Hits" cover provides clear testimony of, did not fall victim to this pressure. Rather, she chose a photograph of herself, probably taken at home by a family member, in which she looks her most natural. It's good to see a normal, attainable female body in the entertainment world.
Second, I am as always impressed by Ms. Spears' uncanny ability to match her musical productions to the social and economic events of importance in the world. For example, Ms. Spears' choice to remake Bobby Brown's classic "My Prerogative" nicely juxtaposes the events of Ms. Spears' personal life with the political happenings in her native United States. While Ms. Spears is finally, at age 24, completing her emergence from the coccoon of youth into the butterfly of adulthood vis-a-vis her dual marriages and sartorial disintegration, the United States is also undergoing a striking transformation following the 2004 elections. Both Ms. Spears and the United States have a renewed commitment to pursuing "[Their] Prerogative," no matter what cost. I applaud Ms. Spears for her musical expression of this truth.
Another song Ms. Spears chose to include on this collection is the Grammy award-winning "Toxic." "Toxic" is perhaps the closest we will get to a confession about why Ms. Spears annulled her marriage to her first husband, Mr. Jason Alexander. It is also an interesting commentary on pollution and ecology, especially with respect to the Bush Administration's policies. Despite Ms. Spears' public support of the president, her insistence in this song that "you're toxic, I'm going under" suggests that she is in fact negatively affected by carbon emissions.
There are two new tracks included on the Greatest Hits collection which deserve mention here. The first is "I've Just Begun (Having My Fun)." This song fits nicely into Ms. Spears' new mission to pursue "[Her] Prerogative" at all costs. In this song, she crosses a heretofore taboo boundary by making reference to herself as a sexual being. However, Ms. Spears being who she is, she never cheapens or debases herself by suggesting she is merely a sexual object. Ms. Spears suggests with this song that there may be a few more fun nuptials in the upcoming months, particularly if her spouse continues his fun of finding new girlfriends.
The second new song is the unbelievably smooth "Do Somethin'." This song has some of the most clever and witty lyrics of any pop confection ever written. It also has an outstanding video, influenced directly by Ms. Spears (incidentally, Spears also revealed in an interview that she styled the video herself by choosing the Juicy Couture sweats that she and her dancers wear). The video shatters artistic boundaries by featuring a bubble-gum pink Hummer with a Louis Vuitton interior, bouncing rhythmically against a cartoonish blue sky with fluffy clouds. This video takes the accomplishments of Surrealists such as Dali and Magritte and goes beyond them to achieve the zenith of surreality. The video also features an underwear-clad Ms. Spears playing air guitar on a bed. This breaks new ground as well, since it shows that Ms. Spears is not only capable of writhing on a bed in her underclothes, but that she can also pretend to play an instrument at the same time.
I have given this album only three stars for two reasons. The first is that most of the content is from previous albums, and I would have preferred some totally new work from the ever brilliant Ms. Spears. The second is that I used to have a cat, Fluffy, who I loved very much but who disappeared a few months ago. I recently realized that Ms. Spears was behind Fluffy's disappearance when her hair on this album cover struck me as very familiar. That wasn't so nice of her.
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03:43 pm - Marc Anthony by Marc Anthony
Bizarre Journali review of Marc Anthony by Marc Anthony
Marc Anthony is an inspiration
The quality of the music on this cd really does not need me to vouch for it. Anyone with ears and a taste for Latin beats will be able to decide for themselves whether Marc Anthony's music is for them. I do find that while many of the tunes are "dance" songs, they are only suitable for salsa, cha cha, and other Latin type dances. Unfortunately, this means I almost never dance to Marc Anthony music since my dogs are anti-Castro.
What really impresses me about this Marc Anthony cd is how he survived such adversity to record and release it. Marc Anthony is a survivor, and this album exists as a testimony to that. In the cover photo, his hideous scars are clearly visible, providing the purchaser with a preview of Marc's inner strength. It was just a few years ago that Marc Anthony was tragically killed in a clash with a sombrero-wearing, sword-wielding, poncho-wearing, cocaina-dealing Colombian drug lord. Thanks to the magical powers of Miss Universe Dayanora Torres, Anthony was able to be revived. Now, brought back from the dead to bring his music to the people, Anthony appears before us as The Corpse. His papery skin stretched tight around his skull and his bulging eyes remind us that he has seen the Underworld and survived. Every time we see Marc Anthony wrapped in a Prada or Dolce and Gabbana shroud, clinging to the hand of his nurse Jennifer Lopez, we all inwardly thank a higher being that The Corpse carries the burden of the afterlife for us. I hear that when The Corpse breathes, dust comes out of his nose. It is from the powdered bones he breathed while he was dead. I also hear that Marc Anthony is always cold to the touch, since not even Miss Universe could make his blood warm again.
In conclusion, I think that the music on this cd will only appeal to people with an appreciation for Latin music. However, all of us can resonate with the terrific journey Marc Anthony made from man to The Corpse. Viva The Corpse!
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03:47 pm - Face of Christ pendant
Bizarre Journali review of the 14K Yellow Gold Face of Christ Silhouette Pendant
Lovely and delicate!
I like my 14K Yellow Gold Face of Christ Silhouette Pendant for two main reasons:
1. I have the most awesome Christ-shaped sunburn on my chest. It's absolutely the coolest thing ever. I recommend oiling your chest and then wearing this pendant to the beach. Be careful not to spend too long in the sun, though, or the metal will burn a Christ-shaped scar onto your skin.
2. There is nothing that juxtaposes questionable taste and religious piety better than a jewelery silhouette of Christ. I wear this pendant when I go places where I would prefer people not talk to me, like Home Depot. I find that the workers in Home Depot are overly concerned with my life, asking me questions about why I am buying 300 yards of chain, and why do I need seventy four rolls of duct tape. As if it weren't obvious that I'm on the bondage scene. Anyway, I find that when I wear my Christ pendant, people tend to leave me alone. I think they either assume I am very pious and therefore not using the mini-blow torches for evil purposes, or they fear having to look any longer at the Christ-head on my magnificent chest.
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03:50 pm - Functional ethnic doll
Bizarre Journali's review of Love Me Baby CHOU CHOU Functional Ethnic Doll
Socially dangerous
This doll perpetuates the myth that black people are just white people colored in with a purple crayon. The doll has very white features and its skin tone does not even remotely resemble the skin of any African American person I've ever known. I bought this doll for my nephew, who I am trying to raise to be sensitive to gender equity. My sister tells me I am making him into a fairy, but I know I could never have raised my seventeen dogs if I weren't willing and able to do women's work once in a while. Anyway, this doll was so offensive to me that I ended up wrapping it in a garbage bag and putting it in the meat freezer in my basement. Maybe one day, when I've had some barbituates, I will muster the courage to go and dispose of it permanently.
Incidentally, I think "chou chou" means "cabbage cabbage" in French. This might be copyright infringement. More importantly, it perpetuates the myth that babies grow from cabbages and not uteri.
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